Other friends say the occasion was created by candy companies to sell things and that celebrating love just makes people who don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend feel like dirt warmed over.
They do have a point: Many people feel left out on Valentine’s Day, but they really shouldn’t feel that way.
It’s sad that society seems to have only one word for “love,” and that it’s usually wrapped up in the red-ribbon trappings of traditional romance.
Love is so much bigger than that. Love is so much wider.
The ancient Greeks recognized this fact and used three terms to describe the many kinds of love humans can feel: eros, philia and agape.
Eros is that feeling you get when you see a really gorgeous guy or girl in the mall and butterflies invade your stomach. It’s sheer attraction; it feels like a Britney video. Judging by advertisements, this is the kind of love that seems most connected to the modern Valentine’s Day.
Philia is the love that you find between best friends, that fuzzy, warm feeling you get when you’re having a great time with them.
But agape goes further than that. Agape is selfless love, the kind of love God has for everyone.
Agape is transcendent, unconditional, active and thoughtful. Agape is the kind of love that occurs when someone gives something without expectation of return.
We see this type of love in the works of Blessed Mother Teresa. Agape is true love.
Relationships based only on eros are pretty much doomed to fail. Once a campfire burns through all its fuel, it will die unless given more.
If eros is the spark, philia and agape are the fuel.
That’s what our modern Valentine’s Day doesn’t get. You can’t keep a relationship going with tacky teddy bears and roses that appeal only to our sense of eros. People need philia and agape too.
If you grimace at the garish pink and red hearts trimmed with lace and glitter that fill the stores this month, just remember the story of the real St. Valentine.
Valentine was a third-century bishop when marriage was outlawed by Claudius II, the emperor of Rome. Believing that people should be free to love and to marry, Valentine secretly performed marriages for young couples who sought him out. This was an act of agape, of selfless love for his people.
Captured by the authorities, Valentine was told to renounce God and his illicit marriages or be executed. He refused; his belief in love — agape — was too strong, and he was killed.
If you’re listening to St. Valentine (and some of those chalky candy hearts), the measure of Valentine’s Day is not how much you are loved, but how much you love others, and not just in a romantic-comedy, roses-and-dinner sort of way.
So ditch the teddy bears, chocolates and embarrassing classroom singing telegrams. Maybe a better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day could be to do something nice for your boyfriend or girlfriend, or for a sibling, parent or friend.
Try agape. You won’t be disappointed, and you definitely won’t feel left out.
